


Ancient Lovers

by seiraswriting



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bellamy Blake Has Feelings, Bellamy Blake is a History & Mythology Nerd, Bellamy Blake is a Tease, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Bellamy Blake, Nerd Bellamy Blake, POV Bellamy Blake, Soft Bellamy Blake, Worried Bellamy Blake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-07 20:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19857622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seiraswriting/pseuds/seiraswriting
Summary: This is the Wattpad request I based this series on:"s1 Bellamy and reader are best friends up on the Ark; the reader gets arrested for knowing about Octavia and is sent down to the ground in the drop ship. But like Bellamy has changed and reader still has a crippling crush on him but thinks he likes Clarke and other girls but he likes her a lot, just doesn't know how to show it so lots of sexual tension and soft angst and fluff "





	1. Ancient Lovers || Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you'll enjoy!

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I had to do it. I couldn't leave my sister alone knowing she was being sent to Earth. To Earth! We had been told it wouldn't be survivable down here for another 100 years, yet, here we were. I saw her coming down the staircase that led to the two upper levels and she soon landed eyes on me, quickly making her way to me and hugging me tightly.

\- "Bell! What are you doing here?" –she smiled as she pulled away.

\- "I'm... I asked to be sent down with you."

She looked like she wanted to say something else but murmurs behind us rose and someone called her 'the girl under the floor'. But they didn't have time to say anything else as a loud thud came from the back.

\- "I feel like I've said close to a thousand times not to call her that, but you just won't listen. No wonder they kicked you out of the Ark."

I recognized her voice before I saw her; I didn't even know she was here too. I was ashamed to admit that, lately, I had pushed her memory to the back of my mind in favor of Octavia's, knowing that I had to do what Shumway asked not to leave her alone down here. He failed to tell me Y/N was here too. _Maybe he didn't know._ She looked just like the last time I saw her but the way she carried herself was different: she looked more mature, readier to start a fight than before, more aggressive, even tired, she looked like she had been forced to grow up... it hurt me not having been there for her. The kids around her helped the guy up after she knocked him down for calling Octavia that ugly nickname and moved from her way, staying completely silent, not wanting to be next.

One thing hadn't changed: she'd always stand up for O, no matter who or what she'd have to deal with. I liked that about her. I smiled to myself as I remembered our first fight, it had been a stupid fight as we didn't come to an agreement regarding which was better: “The Iliad” or “The Odyssey”; I maintained it was the former and she insisted it was the later as Octavia moved away from us as she realized that had not been the smartest question to ask to his History nerd of a brother and her bookworm friend. Y/N left home early that day and came the next one with my copy of “The Odyssey” and a bunch of notes on why it was better. I'm not sure I listened properly to all her reasons, getting lost in her eyes and the passion they showed me, but that day, I realized Y/N was a keeper and that I wanted her in my life for as long as we lived. I had missed her every day since they took her from my arms, realizing all too late I wanted her to be more than just my friend.

\- "Why in hell are we still in this stupid ship?" –she moved to the front, pushing the kids aside- "I'd rather die seeing what's outside first if y'all don't mind, so what's keeping us from actually getting..."

Her eyes found mine as she reached the front of the group; my breath caught in my chest and I'd sworn hers did the same, her eyes softened for only a second before her eyebrows furrowed, making her look older than she was and angrier than what I hoped she'd be.

\- "So... you are the reason I'm still in here?" –she scoffed- "Great."

\- "We could die if he opens that door."

\- "Oh, please." –Y/N turned to look at Clarke who had spoken before I could even think of what to tell her- "We're already dead. At least, I’d like to die outside."

\- "Y/N is right." –Octavia nodded looking at her and Y/N smirked back at her, moving her head slightly, pointing for O to open the door- "Come on, Bell!"

I was startled for a moment, only able to look at her. There was something different about her I couldn't quite put my finger on. Before I realized what was happening, she strode towards me, I thought she might hug me like she used to do every time she saw me but instead, her hand moved past my head as she looked at me; she was standing too close not to feel her breath hitting my neck and I gulped. She was gone as fast as she came, standing over the now opened door before I watched Octavia jump onto the ground a second before she followed her; they hugged and laughed before being followed by the rest of the kids and Y/N disappeared. _Fuck._

**\---------------**

**YOUR POV**

First, I had been pricked in the arm with the biggest needle I had seen in my life. Then, no one would tell me what was happening nor where Octavia was as I got pushed inside a ship. I was strapped down to a chair, furiously looking around for O and losing touch with reality for a second as I realized we weren't attached to the Ark anymore: we were falling down. _Great, this is just great._ A video started playing in which Jaha called us expendable and informed us we were being sent to the ground. _Oh, someone really needs to be told a few things._ I kept looking around, listening carefully, trying to find any sign of Octavia being there too. _Why am I always at the wrong place at the wrong time?_ We finally hit the ground, my head was spinning in circles so I took a second to catch my breath and not to fall as soon as I stood up, getting down to the main level only to see everyone crowded in there for some reason I failed to comprehend, only seeing Octavia as I pushed everyone to make my way to the front and seeing someone else I thought I'd never lay eyes on again. It felt weird, seeing him again after a year; my heart clenched in my chest as I remembered every feeling I had about him that I had tried so hard to suppress during my time in lockup. It didn't matter now. As Octavia and I were taken to lockup and he only screamed for her and didn't even acknowledge me I realized he never cared. I just had been stupid enough to think he did.

As soon as I managed to get out of the ship without having to interact with anyone, let alone Bellamy, I tried to focus on Earth. It was breathtaking, so green and full of life, so fresh. Yeah, the air felt different down there, most definitively because it wasn't the processed one we kept breathing every year for almost 100. The rest of the kids remained close to the ship but I'd be damned if I had to stay put.

\- "Hey!" –someone touched my shoulder and it took me a second to think any better of it and not hit them in the face.

\- "And you are?" –I only wanted to be left alone, knowing now Octavia was alright and being aware Bellamy wouldn't let her out of his sight.

\- "You're Y/N, right? We were in Earth Skills together..."

\- "Now all that bullshit makes sense, huh?" –I smiled at him- "I didn't catch your name."

\- "I'm Finn." –he offered me his hand to shake- "Finn Collins."

\- "Well, Finn." –I chuckled shaking his hand- "Nice to meet you, I guess, even if we've already seen each other."

\- "What were you doing?"

\- "I wanted to explore."

\- "And get away from a particular person?"

\- "I don't do good with the guard."

\- "Let's go then."

Finn seemed to be a nice guy as we moved around the place we had landed on before moving back, only coming to realize someone had started a fight. _All these things to explore, and they want to start a fight._ I shook my head, losing Finn in the crowd but caring very little as I came face to face with Clarke and Bellamy who seemed to have positioned themselves as the leaders of everyone down here. _Yeah, good luck with that. Count me out._ Something about food and a different mountain. Finn jumped in the middle of the fight, stopping it, Octavia flirting with him immediately and I had to laugh but soon felt eyes on me: Bellamy.

\- "We're three now." –Finn pulled me closer to him as I broke eye contact with Bellamy.

\- "What did you just sign me in for?" –I eyed him as I realized he was talking to Clarke.

\- "We're going exploring." –he smiled at me.

\- "You already know me so well." –I punched him in the upper arm- "Where to?"

\- "I got a map." –Clarke spoke as she took it from her pocket.

\- "Guess I'll have to follow you for now then." –I moved my hand and made a small reverence- "After you."

\- "I'll pack us a couple bags first." –I nodded at her- "Finn, find someone else to join us."

He nodded and they both left, leaving me there alone. I looked around me, seeing the kids had now divided into smaller groups and all looked amusedly around them. I smiled to myself before I turned around, smashing directly against someone else.

\- "Ugh, can't you look where you're going!"

\- "Sorry, love."

I felt a shudder ran down my spine as I recognized the voice, I placed my hand in front of my eyes. _I can't believe this. The only person I don't want to see right now..._

\- "You alright?" –he asked me, I recognized the concern in his voice- "You haven't even acknowledged me yet."

\- "I didn't think you'd remember me." –I spat, the images of the day we were locked up played in my mind.

\- "How could I forget you?" –he tried to raise my chin to look up at him but I flinched away- "What's wrong?"

\- "For once, everything seems to be going pretty ok."

I finally looked into his deep brown eyes and I felt myself falling for him a little bit more. I knew I shouldn't, I knew this would only make it more painful in the end and I hated myself for it but, still, I allowed my eyes to study his features: he hadn't changed much since the dance; sure, he looked taller but I could have just forgotten how tall he actually was, his freckles seemed to cover his entire face under the sun and his skin shinned golden under the light; I missed hearing his voice every day as we read together or as he, every so often, explained a new myth to me and his sister; I missed having him close and feeling his hand on mine; I missed feeling like we could accomplish anything together. I was so fucked. I wanted to hug him, to tell him how hurt I was and how much I missed him but... for what? It wouldn't change the fact that he never cared for me nor the fact that I...

\- "Let's go, Y/N!" –Finn's voice brought me back from my trance, I was so thankful he showed up.

\- "Coming!"

\- "Hey, where are you going?"

\- "Exploring. Have a nice life."

And with that, I ran up to Finn who handed me a bag pack and prompted me to move in front of him. I didn't protest. I needed to be away from him. I couldn't allow my feelings to resurface after all the time and effort it took me to bury them down deep.

**\---------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I watched her run after Finn, it angered me, seeing her leaving with another guy. _A nice life? What the hell is that even supposed to mean?_ Sure, we had never been together but that didn't mean this couldn't enrage me; so I followed them.

\- "Leave her alone, dude!" –Finn pushed me away as soon as I stood next to him- “She clearly doesn’t want anything to do with you.”

\- "Who are you, again?"

I was ready to punch him out of my way when I felt a pressure on my chest, I looked down, seeing Y/N's hand over my t-shirt and my anger eased a bit, until I saw she had done the same with Finn.

\- "I got this, Finn. I'll catch up."

\- "You sure?"

\- "Trust me." –she nodded and Finn finally left us alone again, she didn't even look at me again as she spoke, moving her hand away from me- "What do you want, cadet Blake?"

\- "I'm not on the guard anymore, Metis."

I smiled even if she couldn't see me as her nickname fell from my lips. _Metis, the goddess of wisdom and deep thought_. I thought the name suited her for she was always carrying a book around and, most of the time, I'd have to repeat myself as she got lost in her thoughts but I didn't mind; I loved that about her, how she always seemed to know more than what she spoke, how she eagerly started a new book as soon as she landed hands on it. It didn't take me long to lend her my mythology books and soon, I had someone else to discuss them with besides my sister. Y/N was magic and the day I lost sight of her was the day I realized I only loved my life because she was in it.

\- "Don't nickname me. We haven't seen each other in a year." –she scoffed, taking me completely by surprise- "If you aren’t on the guard, what’s with the jacket? You know what? I don’t care. If you're here to try and boss me around, I suggest you get back to the ship and wait there for someone to give a fuck."

\- "Why are you so angry at me?"

\- "Because I thought you cared." –she yelled at me, her fists clenching at her sides- "But you don't, you didn't even try to sneak in and..."

\- "I tried to..."

\- "I don't care."

\- "I didn't know what happened to you. I thought they..."

\- "You're only here for your sister, I get it." –she rose her hand to shut me up and started moving away not even sparing me a glance- "I won't get in your way again, don't worry."

_Again? What does she mean 'again'?_


	2. Ancient Lovers || Part 2

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**OCTAVIA'S POV**

I saw the way my brother's eyes lingered on Y/N every time he caught a glimpse of her around camp. He had told me that, since she was not talking to him, he wouldn't even try, but I knew he was hurt. It had been a week and they still weren't on good terms; it was hard to witness since, for the longest time, they had been always there for me, together. They had been inseparable, to the point in which I thought, if allowed, Y/N would have moved to our house. I was aware of the feelings she had for him and I was sure he felt the same way; he had never told me, but it wasn't difficult to come to that conclusion myself, especially when he seemed to put more effort into how he looked when Y/N came around, or how he'd always make sure to have a new book lying around for her, or how his eyes would lighten up as soon as we heard her voice at the other side of the door. I had never seen my brother so nervous as the day he asked Y/N to go to the dance with us, even if he meant him and even if he had to work; that's when I knew he liked her, when, even if he wasn't technically attending, he took the time to ask her out properly and make sure she was comfortable with it. I knew that, deep down, he didn't want to risk any other guy asking her out, even if he wasn't ready to admit how he felt. I thought he'd have done so for the next dance but, since we both got arrested at that one, we'd never know.

\- "Earth to Octavia." –Y/N laughed sat beside me- "Earth to Octavia, do you read me?" –I turned my face to look at her and furrowed my eyebrows- "You didn't hear a thing I just said, did you?" –I shook my head- "What were you thinking of?"-she wiggled her eyebrows- "Is it that boy?"

\- "Y/N!" –I pushed her and she dramatically fell to the grass- "No, it wasn't that."

\- "Then?" –she looked up at me as she remained lying on the floor- "Care to shared."

\- "I was thinking about how close Bellamy and you were back in..."

\- "Oh, no." –she immediately rose to a sitting position- "We've talked about this."

\- "I think you're wrong."

\- "Oh, am I?" –she pointed in front of me to yet another girl coming out of his tent- "He looks like he's doing just fine on his own."

\- "You think he changed that much while we were locked up?"

\- "I don't think he changed. I think I was too blinded by my feelings to see how much of a dick he is." –Y/N scoffed- "No offense. Maybe being trapped up there, he pretended to be a nice guy for your shake but now that he's free to do whatever the hell he wants? Fuck me, he's a total asshole." -she eyed me- "At least you do like me."

\- "He did too."-I mumbled sadly as Bellamy landed eyes on us- "I don't know what's going on but I was certain he was this close to confessing his feelings for you." –I made a small gap appear in between my thumb and my index finger- "The tension in between you two is still there, though."

\- "Tension? What tension."

\- "You haven't been able not to look at him, even if he's totally aware you are watching him like a falcon. You need to get laid."

\- "I'm perfectly good, thank you. Besides, it's easier that way to imagine him floating himself."

\- "Sure." –I chuckled- "You both should talk."

\- "Hell no." –she rose up and turned her back on him as she looked at me- "For all I care, he can keep fucking whoever he wants as long as he doesn't come anywhere near me. He didn't care about me then..."

\- "Y/N."

\- "... and he doesn't now. I couldn't care any less. I'm just mad it took me that whole year in lockup to realize my feelings..."

\- "Y/N!" –I pointed with my head behind her, I didn't want Bellamy to hear her confessing how she still felt like this- "Shut up."

\- "And, of course, he is behind me, isn't he?" –she scoffed as she turned her head around just enough to catch Bellamy's eyes- "Put on a shirt, no one needs to see that."

\- "I think you like what you see." –he smirked at her. _Here we go again- "_ Would you rather me be in front this time?"

\- "No one wants that..." –she turned around to face him, crossing her arms over her chest- "...trust me."

\- "That's not what I've been told."

He winked at her and I thought I had enough as I rose from the floor, ready to move away before things escalated as they usually did; even if they never actually did anything, the tension between them was too much. We all knew but they just wouldn't recognize it.

**\---------------**

**YOUR POV**

He always did the same. I hated it. But also, kind of enjoyed it for it gave me a reason to give in into being close to him.

\- "People lie." –I pointed out as he took a step closer to me- "Don't believe everything you hear." –I scoffed; he was so close I had to look up to look into his eyes.

\- "So... I shouldn't believe you hate me now?"

\- "That's right, I don't hate you."-I smiled sweetly as his hand brushed against mine, he made it seem like it was an accident but I knew better- "Because that'd meant putting my energy into something regarding your existence and honestly? I couldn't care any less."

\- "That's not what you used to say."

\- "And this is not who you used to be. Guess we all change, some of us for the better."

\- "I've changed?" –he scoffed; I had come across a touchy subject- "You're the one who suddenly can't stand being around me even if you used to basically live with me, sweetheart."

\- "Have you asked yourself why that might be?"

\- "Are you going to tell me?"

\- "Oh..." –I took his chin in my hand and he easily leaned in closer to me, he looked for way too long to my lips- "You can go ask your next sex appointment, sweetheart."

I pushed him back and moved away from there. I couldn't stand this. I knew I'd eventually give in if I kept doing this and I'll simply become another one in his list and that's exactly what I didn't want. I wanted the Bellamy I had meet a couple years back by complete accident, the guy who wouldn't let me walk back to my room alone, the guy that would talk with me for hours on end about the most random stuff, the guy that asked me to the dance. I thought he was going somewhere with that... I thought he might had asked me to be more than friends but I had clearly been wrong. He could have come talk to me properly when we landed but it had been two weeks since that and the only contact we had was to have stupid fights. I was certain he had slept with half the camp by now and, even if Octavia tried to tell me there was something wrong with him, I didn't believe her. I mean, of course, there was something wrong with him: he was an egocentric piece of shit, but that didn't concern me anymore. I just hoped I'd be able to move on but I knew that'd take a long time and having everything I liked and enjoyed reminding me about him, didn't make things any easier. I wish I had been taught how to get over people, but all those books didn't even mention falling out of love.

**\----------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

You'd think all those books we read together could have told me how to fucking confess my feelings for her. But no. She made me nervous and my tongue tied up around her, my body reacted to hers and I didn't know how to handle it but, what hurt me the most was not knowing why she kept saying I didn't care. I cared, I had always cared, I always would even if she acted like a brat every time I came near her.

\- "Great job."

\- "You aren't being of any help either." –I turned to look at Octavia as I put on my t-shirt- "I don't know what else to do."

\- "What else?" –she rose an eyebrow at me- "You mean you're trying something?"

\- "I'm trying to talk to her but that never gets us anywhere."

\- "You could, I don't know, stop sleeping around for starters?"

\- "I'm not talking about sex with you."

\- "I'm just saying..." –she started moving away- "Maybe you keep sleeping around because it's not sex you're looking for but a connection, the connection you had with Y/N. I'm sure you could get properly laid if you fixed your relationship with her; that's where you both were headed back in the Ark anyway."

I rolled my eyes as she moved away. It was true though. The only reason I had been sleeping around was because Y/N made me frustrated; yeah, I did have sex with other people but in my mind, it was always her. It was all so fucked up. I didn't have more time to dwell on my decisions as Clarke came to inform me we had a mission for the day; something about a bunker with guns we could use to protect ourselves from the Grounders. I agreed, whatever could keep me and my mind occupied was welcome; but guns were not the only thing I found down there: there was a room with old books in it, most of them had deteriorated badly with time and the pages were falling apart, but a couple of them still stood strong. _She'll love this._ I smiled to myself as I put them all in a bag and took them with me; for a second, I thought my fight with Dax destroyed them but, thankfully, they were all okay. I breathed relieved and made my way back to camp with Clarke. _Maybe, if I hadn't found those books, I'd have actually left before the adults came and definitively executed me, but the smile on her face will be worth it._ It always was, it was worth everything I ever had or anything I had to do. _I'm going to fix this._

**\----------------**

**YOUR POV**

Bellamy and Clarke came back from their mission late at night after everyone in camp had gone insane with the nuts. I couldn't help but stand first in line during their speech, eyeing Bellamy up and down for any signs of being wounded but he seemed to be alright so I breathed relieved again. _Good, we might not be in good terms, but he is... he'll always be my first... my first love, I guess._ I hated those words. I knew he caught me looking at him but, at that moment, I didn't care. I had been scared out of my mind something might have happened to him out there when the nuts started to affect people and seeing how long it was taking them. _I'm never going to stop feeling this way about him, am I?_ I sighed as I moved away from the crowd before they finished their speech, intending to get to my tent and hopefully fall asleep when Octavia called for me.

\- "Y/N, wait!"

\- "It's not like I was running, O."

\- "Very funny. I need your help." –she pulled me back towards the center of the camp.

\- "Ugh, what now?" –I rolled my eyes, but moved after her anyway- "I swear if it's something stupid I will..."

\- "Look." –she pointed in front of me to Monty and Jasper who were so out of it, they looked like they could fall on their faces any second.

\- "Weren't they coming out of the nuts influence like the rest?"-I approached them with Octavia by my side.

\- "Yeah, until they found some old batch of their alcohol."

\- "They really are out here living their best lives, aren't they?" –I laughed, pulling Jasper's arm around me.

\- "Y/N!" –he smiled at me- "I've been.. hip... looking for you!"

\- "Is that it?" –I laughed- "You found me."

\- "You have to try this." –he offered me his bottle of booze and I took it away from him- "Try it come on, it's our best one yet!"

\- "I'll try it if you go to bed."

\- "Deal."

I laughed at every occurrence both Monty and Jasper had while O and I took them back to their tent. It was amusing how many ideas they could come up with while in this state. Granted, most of them were insane, but they were creative nonetheless. Octavia quickly excused herself as I made a final swoop of their tent to make sure there was nothing in there they could accidentally step on or touch that would hurt them before I walked around camp for a moment; everything was so peaceful, I loved it.

\- "What's keeping you up?"

\- "What's keeping you up?" –I retorted as Bellamy came into view, standing just a couple inches away from me even if we were the only people out there.

\- "I got a nightshift." –he took a bite of his apple. I'd have loved to smash the damn fruit on his face.

\- "Aren't you tired from your trip with Clarke?" –I rose an eyebrow at him- "Or was it less eventful than you hoped it'd be?"

\- "Are you trying to imply I only went to sleep with Clarke?"

\- "Did you?"

\- "Do you care?"

\- "No." –I lied; I was angry he hadn't chosen me a year ago and I was jealous he wouldn't choose me now.

\- "Sweetheart..." –he caressed my cheek and my heart stopped- "That's not what your body is saying."

\- "What'd you know about what my body is saying?"

\- "Because I'm watching you."

\- "We're in the dark. You are only seeing what you want to see." –I scoffed, grabbing the apple from him and taking a bite from it before moving away- "I'm not going to be another name on your list, Zeus." –I threw the apple over my head, knowing he had caught it as it didn't hit the ground- "Try to keep your eyes focused on finding Grounders and not someone to keep your bed warm."

**\-----------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I watched her leave with a smile on my face, every fiber of my body pleading to go after her and ease the tension we both knew was still there, but I didn't. I was going to make this right even if that meant being sexually frustrated for months. I looked at the bite she had taken from my apple and I closed my eyes; I wasn't looking forward to not being able to get off but I hoped we'd manage to fix this sooner than later. It wasn't just sex, I adored her and I needed for her to see that. She hadn't noticed, but I had been following her with my eyes from my post since I saw her taking Jasper to his tent. She looked like a nymph in the deem light, without a worry in the world as she looked up at the stars. I couldn't help my eyes travelling down her body every time I saw her, I was infatuated and I hated knowing that there was a possibility in which she might have never felt anything towards me. I took a bite of the apple. I trusted myself and I trusted her. I trusted what Octavia had told me and I knew I had to come clean soon. Showing her that I cared was probably the first thing I should do, so I had left her one book in her bed with Octavia's help, hoping, that way, she'd realize I had always listened to her and taken notes on what she liked and didn't like. I hope she'd know it was from me even if I denied it if she asked me. I watched her steal a glance at me before she got into her tent, I chuckled, shaking my head before I moved back to my post. I hoped her feelings for me were still there. I had hope, I believed in us. I loved her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that feedback is the best shit ever!🥂


	3. Ancient Lovers || Part 3

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**YOUR POV**

The night before, I had found a book over my bed; I questioned Octavia about it but she swore she had never seen it before. It hadn't taken me long to finish it. " _A Midsummer's Night Dream_ " by Shakespeare. I had learned a bit about the author in the Ark, but never really read a book of his. Most books in the Ark were too old to be lent to anyone lightly and were kept on the library; Shakespeare was no exception so, when I found the book, I squirmed. It was one of his most famous plays, alongside " _Romeo and Juliet_ " and " _Hamlet_ ". _Maybe a copy of those survived down here too._ I loved it. I assumed I was to keep it so I told Octavia to read it before I made my way out the next morning, once we both woke up, or more so, she woke up for I doubt I had slept much after finishing the play. I had a couple assigned duties so that was the first thing I did, managing to complete them all just before lunchtime, hoping I'd be able to go to bed earlier that day.

\- "Y/N, you got a second?"

\- "For you? I got none."

Bellamy came into view as I started moving away from the spot I had been eating at. I didn't want to do this again. I just wanted to move past it; if we weren't going to be a thing, and we clearly weren't looking at how he was behaving, I didn't want to keep playing this game.

\- "Please, love, just hear me out."

\- "Do you nickname everyone down here or just the people you want to fuck?"

\- "That privilege is only yours."

I rolled my eyes for what seemed the thousand time since he started speaking to me, not wanting anything to do with him as I moved away. But he followed me. Of course, he did; I was certain he enjoyed this.

\- "We have to talk. I can't keep doing this."

\- "Then why do you always follow me around?"

\- "I'm trying to fix this."

\- "There's nothing to fix."

\- "Are you sure?"

\- "Yes!" –I finally yelled turning around to face him, having had enough, the lack of sleep probably added to my very low tolerance for bullshit that day- "You were my best friend up in the Ark but it was clearly forced; now we're down here and we are strangers that just happen to be surrounded by Grounders that want to kill them in the same camp, that's it."

\- "Why do you keep acting like I never cared about you?"

\- "If you had cared about me half of what you try to make me believe, maybe you'd have felt bad about me being taken with O."

\- "What are you talking about?" –he took my hand in his, a shiver quickly settled on my spine so I pulled back- "When I realized what they had done to you, it broke me inside. I didn't know why they took you and they didn't take me instead; after all, she's my sister." -he sighed, he was clearly not comfortable talking about that day- "No one told me what they did to you! Not even your parents knew, Y/N! We thought they floated you! Everyone thinks you're dead!"

I took a step back as his words hit me. _What?_ I could tell he wasn't lying as I tried to wrap my head around what he had just confessed. I couldn't believe it. It was cruel and despicable. _Why would the Ark leaders do such a thing? Maybe, the fewer kids known to still be alive in lockup, the more of them they could send down here to test their idea of Earth's newfound viability as a place to live._ I shook my head, I couldn't help but feel deeply hurt yet annoyed; almost at the verge of tears. _Those assholes, not only did they fuck my life but they also sent me into a spiral of despair thinking I was completely alone and uncared for._

\- "Is that why most kids got a couple visits but I didn't get any?"

My voice broke even if I tried to keep it still; Bellamy nodded almost apologetically to me and that triggered my tears to start running down my cheeks. _All this time, I had thought no one cared about me._ It didn't come as a massive surprise from my parents, for then, they had one less mouth to feed, but from Bellamy? It fucked me up. It made me hate him. It made me hate the person I had been the most attached to in my entire life, the one I cared about the most... not to mention my deeper feelings for him.

\- "I'm so sorry, Belle." –he wrapped his arms around me and, this time, I didn't squirm away from his touch- "I'm sorry."

He rocked us from side to side as I wrapped my arms around him, feeling my anger lifting from my chest and my shoulders, feeling the emptiness of the heart that had been so used to feeling nothing but disdain for a year towards the people I knew and that now realized it was all unfunded. I ached, it burned. I cried, wetting Bellamy's shirt, but he didn't seem to mind; instead, he pulled me closer to him, his arms firmly around me. I couldn't help but feel protected and I hated that feeling too but I couldn't bring myself to break apart from him, at least, until the tears dried.

\- "I'm sorry." –I whispered, pulling away and wiping my eyes- "I'm sorry for hating you for not visiting."

\- "You didn't know."

\- "Would you have visited me if they had allowed you?"-I eyed him, regaining my composure and remembering why I was still mad at him.

\- "Why are you asking me that? You know I'd have."

\- "Are you sure? Because I'm still not."

Sure, the anger from being left alone in a cell had dissipated but that didn't mean I wasn't still mad he had played me; he made me feel like he cared deeply about me only to act like a fucking jerk as soon as we got down here.

\- "Why do you keep trying to stay mad at me?"

\- "Because that's easier than realizing you don't care."

\- "But I care! What did I do that made you think I don't."

\- "You want me to write you a list?"

\- "You're just being a brat now."

\- "Add that to the list." -I pressed my pointing finger hard to his chest as I clenched my jaw, looking up at him- "Alongside with playing me and not bothering to fight for me."

\- "What...?"

\- "You didn't even look at me when they arrested me alongside your sister." –I sighed, trying to keep those images from resurfacing and failing- "I get it, O's your sister, she's blood and I get you were upset about everything that was to come but, I... a glance of reassurance to your supposed friend? That? That, I missed." –I started walking away feeling defeated and only wanting to pass out on my bed but he caught my arm, preventing me from moving any further- "Move your hand away from me."

\- "No. I need to know where you're going, I need to know you're okay."

\- "Why do you care? It's obvious I'm not!"

\- "Why wouldn't I?"–I could tell he was trying to remain calm, but it was getting harder, for both of us- "Let me help!"

\- "Just leave me alone to make peace with the fact that not a single soul was affected by me getting arrested and thrown in lockup and with the fact that I spent a year of my life trying to figure out what the fuck I had done wrong only to find out just now that none of what happened was actually my fault."

\- "Bellamy?"-a guy I hadn't bothered catching his name came asking for him- "I'm sorry to interrupt..." -he eyed me for a second, probably as he realized the tension between Bellamy and me, quickly moving his gaze back to Bellamy.- "We need you at the front gate."

\- "At least someone is needed around here."

I couldn't help but feel a bit jealous again. At least Bellamy was needed around here, what good was I? I moved away fast enough to make sure Bellamy wouldn't follow me. _I care about you!_ His voice resonated in my head. _He doesn't. If he did, he would have screamed for you and pleaded like he did for Octavia. If he did, he wouldn't behave like an asshole around you. If he did, he would have made sure you knew. If he ever loved you, he would have told you._ I wanted so badly to be able to behave like him; I wanted so desperately not to care, not to feel attached to anyone but I couldn't. I hated it. I hated being this weak.

I found a second book on my bed that night. _"The Odyssey."_ I picked it up and hugged it to my chest, a smile on my face. I knew it had been Bellamy, even if he lately acted like he'd never seen a book in his life. The fact that he called me "Belle" was only a reassurance, a nod to that kids' story about a girl who was called crazy for always been seen with a book. I wouldn't lie, that was me. _Or at least, that's who I used to be._ I sat down on my bed, not able to believe he went out of his way once more to give me another book, to give me this particular book, even if we had had that fight a couple hours ago. _Maybe, he does care...maybe he is trying..._ I went to bed, saving the book for the morning, hoping my head would have cleared out by then. I hoped things would be easier. I dreamed of another time, a time in which Bellamy and I could just talk, solve our issues and move on. I dreamed of our time in the Ark, of how easy everything seemed up there. But I didn't wish to go back, I liked it down here: I was free; heartbroken, but free. And that was a price I was willing to pay. For now.

**\-----------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I had been stressed out all morning: I couldn't find Y/N anywhere and it worried me something had happened to her. The kids at the front gate had seen her getting out of camp early in the morning and, for some reason I must have missed, they didn't stop her or call me immediately to deal with it. She wasn't back yet and my mind was racing with all the horrible things that could have happened to her. _I hope our little fight from yesterday has nothing to do with this, I'd never forgive myself._ I had gone early in the day to her tent after my shift, intending to ask her about "The Odyssey" like in the old times, and, hopefully, finally confess how I really felt but that didn't happen. _Of course, when I've finally built up the courage to do this, she disappears._

It was close to mid-afternoon, I was finalizing putting together a search party when the camp doors opened and she walked inside. _I'm going to kill her._ She looked unharmed and like she didn't give a fuck in the world. _Oh, but I did._

\- "Where were you?" –I practically yelled at her face as I basically ambushed her in the middle of camp, caring very little about what everyone thought right now.

\- "Don't you have some random girl to fuck and have to come pester me around?"

\- "I thought we were starting to make amends here. I asked because I care." -I sighed, her tone irritated me but I knew I had to be the bigger person right now- "I know I'm not the best at showing it, but I do care about you."

\- "You care about me?" –she finally looked at me, the scoff on her face alongside her dry laugh were exasperating- "Oh, please. You just don't want my death on you or for Octavia to possibly cry for me and mourn me. I'm an inconvenient down here for you, I get it. And in the Ark? Up there I was only convenient to have around because I looked out for your sister. You never cared about me; if you did, you..." –she bit her tongue, she was hiding something and I had to know.

\- "I what?"

\- "Doesn't matter." –she brushed me away- "Just... go your way and I'll go mine. You aren't obligated to befriend me now because I know about Octavia. We're on the Ground, do whatever the hell you want and I'll do the same, just like we've been doing since we landed. It ain't that hard. You're free from any burden now that you've told me why no one came to visit me."

\- "Is that what you think?"

\- "That we should do whatever the hell we want? Hell yeah!" –she nodded to her own words, a satisfied side smile on her lips- "For the first time in my life I don't have to follow anyone's orders or do something I don't want to do. I'm free. And I intend to be that way until I die now. You should do the same."

\- "I meant..." –I pulled her by her arm to a side of the camp, realizing everyone kept staring at us but knowing this was now between us; she tried to move away but, seeing I wouldn't let go, she looked up at me with confused eyes- "You think I only kept you around because I was scared you'd give Octavia away if I didn't?" –I questioned as we were alone again; I couldn't believe she thought that way, it hurt me.

\- "It's cool, I understand. I guess I'd have done the same in your position." –she shrugged her shoulders- "You aren't on that situation now so go live your life; you'll still have me around because Octavia and I are actually friends but, you know, other than that..."

\- "We are friends, Y/N!"

\- "Were we?"

\- "We are." –I repeated with more force this time, forcing her against a tree; I wouldn't lie, having her this close I only wished things were alright between us because I desperately wanted to rip her clothes off- "You're family; I thought that much was clear."

\- "Oh, really?" –she scoffed, managing to cross her arms over her chest in the little space I had left in between us- "You have a funny way of letting it come across that way; I mean, here I was thinking we had been something or close to being something back in the Ark, but that now we only happened to be on the same ship; however, you calling me 'family' just now puts everything into perspective. How could I be so blind and so wrong? How could I think you didn't even realize they took me with Octavia?" –she rolled her eyes, throwing her hands in the air, forcing me to clench my jaw as her cynicism hit my ears- "So glad you made it down, brother."

\- "That's not the type of family I meant." –I spoke in between gritted teeth; I really had to control myself.

\- "Well, as far as I'm concerned, that's the only way you and I could ever be considered 'family', so..."

Her tone had changed mid-sentence; it had been almost imperceptible but it had been enough for me to catch it. Yeah, she was being annoying and self-entitled but, for some reason, I thought I could sense something else in her words: melancholy? Sadness? Regret? Or maybe it was hope? Was I forcing my own desires onto her words to convince myself that she ever felt about me the way I felt -and feel- about her? I had to know.

\- "You always saw me as a brother?"

\- "I never saw you as a brother, Bellamy." –she dropped her arms to her sides, I only realized then that she was carrying the book I knew she loved since I first lend it to her; I thought that'd make her think of us, of how we were...- "And I'm pretty sure you knew it, Octavia wouldn't stop pestering me around about it; there's no point in any of us denying it now so stop playing with me. That's why I felt so miserable; because I thought we could have been something else and when you never showed up in lockup..." –she pushed me back and tried to move away, but I trapped her again- "Let me go." –her eyes were so clear looking into mine as she begged me, it was hard not to do what she asked, but I knew it was now or I'd lose my chance with her forever. I'd lose her forever...- "Please, Bell. I want to move on, I'm really trying over here but you're making it too hard."

\- "No." –I shook my head, it hurt that she used my nickname just to coerce me to let her move on- "Stay."

\- "Why can't you just let me go? Let me move on. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of you leading me on and then fucking someone else just because you can. I'm not a toy and I'm tired of this game, of this running around, I'm tired of pretending it doesn't hurt me."

\- "I was scared." –I rested my forehead on hers, closing my eyes as she gave in, standing still and stoping struggling against me- "I still am."

\- "What could mighty Emperor Augustus, now King of the camp, be afraid of?" –she rose her hand and lightly brushed her thumb over my cheek; it was only a second before she pulled away as if her hand had moved on her own without her really meaning to touch me. I missed her touch as soon as her skin left mine.

\- "I was afraid of losing you." –I moved back, opening my eyes waiting for her to open hers- "I am afraid of losing you, of realizing my feelings had never been and will never be reciprocated."

\- "First of all, no." –she placed her hand over my mouth- "Don't you dare. Don't you dare telling me now that you have feelings for me. Don't you dare saying you've been sleeping around to make me jealous. Don't you fucking dare turning this around on me because it's always been fucking crystal clear I liked you." –she moved her hands away- "I've always thought you knew and were letting me down gently so don't you dare; and second of all, are you deaf? I just told you how I felt about you in case it wasn't clear before and, honestly..."

\- "You thought I knew?" –I cut her off, catching her shaky hand in mine.

\- "Come on, Bellamy." –she scoffed, shaking her head unamused- "You surely must have noticed how I spent more time at your house than mine, how Octavia would leave us alone even if I went to see her, how I was always happier around you, how my eyes always wandered to find you anywhere I was..." –I blinked hard a couple times at her statements; I had always hoped that's what all was about but I never dreamed to take those as facts of her feelings for me- "You really didn't know." –she breathed out- "Well, now you know for sure so do let me down gently, please. It's good enough I've been torturing myself, so don't add to it."

\- "Oh, love." –I moved my free hand to cup her cheek- "I'm not letting you down in any way." –I smiled- "I intend on taking you with me everywhere I go. You're not getting rid of me now."

\- "Because...?"

\- "Because your feelings for me have always been reciprocated. I thought you knew."

\- "You have to be fucking kidding me right now."

\- "You didn't expect me to nickname you Livia just after you nicknamed me Emperor Augustus just because, right?"

\- "I thought you just liked the name?" –she tilted her head- "I'd never dared thinking you were trying to imply something else. I thought you'd simply put your feelings on the table, have you had any. Besides, Roman stories and mythology are never the best examples of real, sane, healthy love. Exhibit A: Zeus and Hera."

\- "That's why it annoyed me so much that time you said I'd be Zeus!"

\- "Well, you've been sleeping around instead of just telling me how you felt so I wasn't that wrong after all." –she shrugged her shoulders, her smile finding its way back to her lips, my heart at ease and full of pure love again- "Like, how does that make any sense to you? Was I supposed to just guess? I'm confused here."

\- "You frustrate me." -I stated simply.

\- "I frustrate you?" -she tried to hold back a laugh but failed- "Lame."

\- "Well, you weren't exactly just going to agree to join me in bed, were you?"

\- "Hell no. I was pretty mad at you and I'm not one-night-stand material."

\- "Hence, I needed to get off."

\- "That's the lamest excuse I've heard from you, and I've heard many since we met." -she scoffed, but remained close to me nonetheless- "You have hands, you should try using them."

\- "I'll try that next time, but I hope that'll never happen." -I smiled- "I hope you're ready to hear a couple more excuses from me."

\- "I haven't slept around just because you're an infuriating dick."

\- "I won't say I wouldn't have minded if you did because, truth is, I would have knocked them out for touching you."

\- "I am not surprised, I'm aware you have a very possessive side." -she chuckled- "Now, start apologizing for calling me Metis. I thought it was a cute name until I learned what Zeus did to her, so I'm stating it again: you're Zeus and you're still a dick."

\- "Call me whatever the hell you want, I don't care." –I pulled her face up and closer to mine; her cheeks were warm and her eyes flickered down to my lips for a second- "You're always my wife in all those scenarios and I'm more than happy with that."

She chuckled before I lowered my head down and moving my lips close enough to almost touch hers, allowing her to move back if she didn't want this but, luckily, she did; she moved her hands to the back of my neck, the book long gone on the ground, and pulled me closer; our lips finally crashing together and I felt at home. My body reacted on its own and moved closer to hers, if that was even possible by now, turning us around so that my back was to the tree and it wouldn't hurt her. She licked my lips and I couldn't help but grunt as the arousal traveled down my body; I bit her lower lip and pushed my tongue inside her mouth gaining a soft moan from her parted lips as I moved my hands to her ass, giving it a light squeeze. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been dreaming about this. I pushed her back until we laid on the floor, me on top of her as my mouth traveled down her neck; her hands pulling on my hair as I bit down on it, leaving my mark; a soft whine escaping her lips.

\- "Would you take me?" –I smiled, moving her hair away from her face and untangling a fallen leaf that had attached to it, putting it back on the floor next to her.

\- "I mean..." –she took a second to regain her breath; fuck, she was so gorgeous, I couldn't move my eyes from her, only wishing she'd stay this ethereal forever, hopefully with me- "I guess now that I've tried the goods, I'll have to take them with me." –she rolled her eyes playfully as she played with my hair- "But no more Zeus alright?"

\- "Just be my Queen and it's settled."

\- "I think I can do that, King." –she pulled me down to kiss me gently, her lips moving against mine felt right; I knew I'd never get enough of the warm feeling in my chest I only got from being around her- "Thank you for the books, Homero's was a smart choice."

\- "So..." –I reached to pick up the book and bring it closer to us- "..you knew it was me?" -she chuckled softly as she nodded.

\- "You're the only one that knows me well enough to know I'd devour a book in a day." –she pulled me down to lay in between her legs and I did, but I still kept my upper body up on my forearms to look at her- "Who else would know "The Odyssey" is the better of Homero's two great works without all my notes?" -the smile on her face grew impossibly bigger as I pecked her lips- "You're the only one that knows me here at all."

\- "And I hope we'll keep it that way."

\- "Yeah, most people already know a lot about you around here." -she rose an eyebrow teasingly at me- "Too much if you asked me, so we gotta compensate."

\- "I didn't sleep with that many people, love. And it sure as hell didn't mean anything, I can assure you."

\- "It's fine." –she tilted her head, I swore if she flirted anymore with me I'd lose my mind; she licked her lips as her eyes bore into mine- "Maybe you can finally teach me something, Casanova."

She started laughing as I buried my face on her neck, kissing her there and deciding then and there that I'd never hide anything else from her, promising myself that I'd protect her vibrant and curious soul with my life and that I'd only make her happy and laugh and work with her through the bad times. I adored her with everything I had and I could only hope she knew and, even if she didn't, I'd prove myself to her every day for the rest of our lives.

\- "Also, just so we are clear..." –she pulled my face up so that I'd look into her eyes- "I'm not getting married."

\- "Yet."

\- "I'm not."

\- "I'll ask you again in a couple minutes." –I kissed her deeply, allowing this time for her tongue to set the tone before we broke apart and I murmured low in her ear - "I'm sure we can work this out, sweetheart."

\- "Can't we just fix this first...?" –she trapped my legs with hers, pulling me closer and I suddenly became self-aware of the erection in my pants- "Unless you know of someone that can help you better with this than me, of course. Or maybe you want to try using your hands this time around."

\- "Oh, love..." –I untangled myself from her, regretting it for a second but knowing this would just get better; I rose from the ground, pulling her up with me, taking her hand in mine and the book in the other and starting to move towards my tent, pulling her with me not losing another second; eager was an understatement- "This is just for you."

\- "Really?" –she chuckled and got rid of my hand, jumping on my back a second after she did- "Aren't we going to finally have some fun around here."

\- "You..." –I grabbed her thighs and softly caressed them as she wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck, taking the book from me and starting to nibble on my neck; she cared very little if anyone watched her and, honestly? That was a turn on for me- "You're going to be the death of me."

\- "I'll rather be your life since you're mine if you don't mind."-she allowed her hands to move inside my jacket and rest over my chest- "We just made up, you're not leaving me alone in here."

\- "I adore you." –I moved my face to the side slightly to look at her, her lips finding mine in no time.

\- "You're welcome."

She whispered in my ear and I had to quicken my pace even more. She wouldn't be my first but she'd have all my times from now on. I caught a glimpse of Octavia from the corner of my eye giving me a thumbs up and I chuckled, knowing now what she knew all along: that Y/N and I were two idiots that love each other but that had been too dumb to realize until we picked up a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this lil piece! Remember that feedback is always greatly appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is the best thing ever and free to give🍸


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